Choosing Reinforcers That Work: A Parent’s Guide to Motivating Your Autistic Child
Have you ever promised your child their favorite snack, toy, or screen time—only to have them completely ignore it?
If so, you’re not alone.
Many parents are told to “use rewards” to encourage positive behavior, but what happens when the reward doesn’t seem rewarding at all?
One of the biggest misconceptions about positive reinforcement is that what motivates one child will motivate another. In reality, every child has unique preferences, interests, and motivations—and those preferences can change from one day to the next.
That’s why choosing reinforcers that work is one of the most important skills parents can learn. When reinforcement is meaningful, children are more likely to learn new skills, cooperate with routines, communicate their needs, and experience success.
At Autism Parenting Simplified (APS), we’ve helped thousands of families use practical, evidence-based behavior strategies to make everyday life easier. Led by professionals with Board Certified Behavior Analyst (BCBA) expertise, a Doctorate in Organizational Leadership, and more than 20 years of experience supporting children with autism and developmental disabilities, we focus on turning complex behavioral principles into simple steps parents can confidently use at home.
In this guide, you’ll learn:
- What reinforcement really means
- Why some rewards stop working
- How to discover what truly motivates your child
- How to keep reinforcement effective over time
- Common mistakes to avoid
- Practical steps you can start using today
Let’s dive in.
What Is Reinforcement?
One of the most misunderstood words in behavior analysis is reinforcement.
Many people think reinforcement simply means giving a child a reward.
It’s actually much more specific.
A reinforcer is anything that increases the likelihood that a behavior will happen again.
Notice what’s missing from that definition.
It doesn’t matter whether you think something should be rewarding.
What matters is whether your child finds it valuable enough to repeat the behavior.
For example:
- One child works hard for stickers.
- Another wants gummy bears.
- Another loves bubbles.
- Another only cares about trains.
- Another simply wants extra time cuddling with Mom.
If the behavior increases after receiving the item or activity, it’s functioning as a reinforcer.
If the behavior doesn’t increase, it isn’t reinforcing—no matter how expensive or exciting it seems.
Why Reinforcers Stop Working
Parents often tell us:
“It worked yesterday.”
“She used to love that.”
“He doesn’t care anymore.”
This is completely normal.
Preferences change constantly.
Imagine eating your favorite dessert every single meal for two weeks. Eventually, it wouldn’t feel very special anymore.
The same thing happens with children.
Some common reasons reinforcers lose their effectiveness include:
They Have Unlimited Access
If your child can use an iPad whenever they want, extra iPad time may not feel valuable enough to motivate learning.
They’ve Become Bored
Children naturally seek novelty.
Rotating reinforcers keeps them interesting.
They’re Too Difficult to Earn
If expectations are unrealistic, children may give up before earning the reinforcement.
Small successes build motivation.
The Reinforcer Doesn’t Match the Child’s Interests
Adults often choose rewards based on what they think children should enjoy instead of observing what children actually choose.
The Best Reinforcers Are Individualized
There is no universal list of perfect reinforcers.
The best reinforcers are the ones your child genuinely enjoys.
Some examples include:
Tangible Items
- Small toys
- Trading cards
- Fidgets
- Stickers
- Collectibles
- Favorite snacks
Activities
- Swinging
- Trampoline time
- Water play
- Playing with pets
- Dancing
- Building with blocks
Social Reinforcement
Some children are highly motivated by:
- High-fives
- Praise
- Tickles
- Hugs (if welcomed)
- Silly games
- Shared laughter
Others may prefer little social attention at first—and that’s okay.
Sensory Reinforcers
Many autistic children enjoy:
- Bubble machines
- Kinetic sand
- Water tables
- Flashlights
- Sensory bins
- Music
- Spinning toys
- Weighted blankets (used appropriately)
Again, every child is different.
How to Discover What Motivates Your Child
One of the easiest ways to identify effective reinforcers is simply to observe.
Ask yourself:
- What does my child choose during free time?
- What do they ask for repeatedly?
- What do they become excited about?
- What activities are difficult to stop?
- What do they naturally work to obtain?
Behavior gives us valuable clues.
If your child frequently seeks something out, it’s likely reinforcing.
Another helpful strategy is offering choices.
Instead of guessing, let your child decide.
For example:
“Would you like bubbles or Play-Doh?”
“The swing or the trampoline?”
“Goldfish crackers or apple slices?”
Children often tell us exactly what motivates them when we provide options.
Reinforcement Should Be Immediate
Timing matters.
When your child successfully completes a target behavior, reinforcement should happen as soon as possible.
Imagine finishing a project at work and not getting paid until six months later.
Your motivation would probably decrease.
Children learn best when reinforcement closely follows the behavior.
For example:
Instead of saying:
“If you clean up today, we’ll go to the park next weekend.”
Try:
“You put your toys away! Great job! Let’s play with bubbles together!”
The shorter the delay, the stronger the learning connection.
Pair Reinforcement with Positive Attention
Many parents worry that reinforcement means constantly handing out treats or toys.
Fortunately, that’s not the goal.
Whenever possible, pair preferred items with:
- Smiles
- Praise
- Eye contact (if comfortable)
- Shared excitement
- Positive interaction
For example:
“I love how you asked so nicely!”
“You worked really hard!”
“You did it!”
Over time, positive attention itself often becomes more reinforcing.
Rotate Reinforcers to Keep Them Fresh
Imagine eating pizza every single day.
Even pizza lovers eventually want something different.
Children experience the same thing.
Creating a “reinforcement menu” can help.
Some families keep a small basket containing:
- Favorite snacks
- Small toys
- Fidgets
- Craft supplies
- Bubble solution
- Temporary tattoos
- Stickers
Rotate these regularly so they stay exciting.
You don’t need expensive rewards.
Novelty often matters more than price.
Match the Reinforcer to the Effort
Not every behavior deserves the same level of reinforcement.
Think of it like earning a paycheck.
Small jobs earn smaller rewards.
Big accomplishments earn bigger rewards.
Examples:
Putting one toy away might earn enthusiastic praise.
Finishing homework may earn extra playground time.
Trying a brand-new food could earn a favorite activity.
Matching the size of the reinforcer to the effort helps children understand expectations and keeps motivation strong.
Everyday Examples of Reinforcement
Here are a few ways reinforcement naturally fits into family life.
Morning Routine
Behavior:
Gets dressed independently.
Reinforcement:
Five minutes of dancing to a favorite song.
Homework
Behavior:
Completes one worksheet.
Reinforcement:
Ten minutes building with LEGO® bricks.
Communication
Behavior:
Uses words or AAC to request help.
Reinforcement:
Immediate assistance plus praise.
Grocery Store
Behavior:
Walks beside the cart.
Reinforcement:
Choosing the next fruit or snack.
Bedtime
Behavior:
Completes bedtime routine.
Reinforcement:
Extra bedtime story.
Simple moments often become powerful teaching opportunities.
Reinforcement Is About Teaching, Not Bribing
Parents sometimes ask:
“Am I bribing my child?”
There’s an important difference.
A bribe is usually offered during a problem behavior to make it stop.
For example:
“If you stop screaming, I’ll buy you candy.”
Reinforcement happens after the desired behavior occurs.
For example:
“You cleaned up your toys. Now it’s time for bubbles!”
Reinforcement teaches new skills.
Bribery often strengthens challenging behavior.
Understanding this difference helps parents feel more confident using positive reinforcement effectively.
What You Can Do Today
You don’t need to overhaul your entire parenting approach to start seeing progress. Begin with these simple, realistic steps:
- Spend 10–15 minutes observing what your child naturally chooses during free play.
- Make a list of 10–20 potential reinforcers, including toys, activities, snacks, sensory experiences, and social interactions.
- Offer choices instead of guessing what your child wants.
- Deliver reinforcement immediately after the desired behavior whenever possible.
- Pair preferred items with genuine praise and positive attention.
- Rotate reinforcers every few days to prevent boredom.
- Reserve especially motivating items for practicing new or challenging skills.
- Start with small, achievable expectations so your child experiences success.
- Notice which reinforcers continue to increase the behavior—and which don’t.
- Be flexible. Remember that motivation changes, and it’s okay to adjust your approach.
Consistency with these small steps often produces meaningful changes over time.
Common Mistakes to Avoid
Assuming Every Child Likes the Same Rewards
Children are individuals. One child’s favorite reinforcer may have no value for another.
Instead: Observe your child’s interests and let their preferences guide your choices.
Waiting Too Long to Deliver Reinforcement
Delayed rewards weaken the connection between the behavior and the outcome.
Instead: Reinforce as quickly as possible after the desired behavior.
Using the Same Reinforcer Every Time
Even favorite items lose their appeal when they’re always available.
Instead: Rotate reinforcers regularly and introduce new options.
Expecting Too Much Too Soon
If earning reinforcement feels impossible, motivation drops.
Instead: Reinforce small steps toward larger goals.
Forgetting About Social Reinforcement
Parents sometimes rely only on food or toys.
Instead: Pair tangible reinforcers with praise, smiles, and shared enjoyment so positive attention becomes meaningful too.
Removing Reinforcement Too Quickly
Once a child begins succeeding, parents may stop reinforcing altogether.
Instead: Gradually fade reinforcement while continuing to acknowledge success and celebrate progress.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is a reinforcer in ABA?
A reinforcer is anything that increases the likelihood that a behavior will happen again. What functions as a reinforcer depends on the individual child, not on the item itself.
How do I know if something is actually reinforcing my child?
Watch what happens after you use it. If the desired behavior becomes more frequent over time, the item or activity is functioning as a reinforcer. If nothing changes, you’ll likely need to try something different.
Can praise alone be enough?
For some children, yes. Others may initially need praise paired with toys, activities, or favorite snacks. Over time, many children become more motivated by social praise as positive experiences are consistently paired together.
Do reinforcers always have to be food?
No. Activities, favorite toys, sensory experiences, social interaction, extra choices, and special privileges can all be highly effective reinforcers.
What if my child’s favorite reinforcer stops working?
This is very common. Rotate reinforcers, introduce new choices, and regularly observe what your child is enjoying right now. Motivation naturally changes over time.
Is reinforcement the same as bribery?
No. Reinforcement follows a desired behavior to increase the likelihood it will happen again. Bribery is typically offered during challenging behavior to get it to stop.
Can I use screen time as a reinforcer?
Yes, if it’s motivating for your child and used thoughtfully. Setting clear expectations, keeping sessions predictable, and balancing screen time with other meaningful activities can help maintain its effectiveness.
Conclusion
Learning the skill of choosing reinforcers that work can transform the way you support your child’s learning.
When you understand what truly motivates your child, everyday moments become opportunities to teach communication, independence, cooperation, and confidence.
Remember, reinforcement isn’t about spoiling children or relying on rewards forever. It’s about helping them experience success while building new skills.
At Autism Parenting Simplified, we’ve seen firsthand that meaningful progress rarely comes from finding one perfect strategy. It comes from consistently applying practical, evidence-based approaches that fit your child, your family, and your daily routines.
Don’t worry about getting everything exactly right.
Celebrate the small wins.
Stay curious about what motivates your child.
Keep adjusting as your child grows.
Progress doesn’t require perfection—it requires consistency, patience, and a willingness to keep learning together.
Every successful interaction builds another brick in the foundation of your child’s future independence.
Continue Your Learning
If you found this guide helpful, there are plenty of ways to continue building your confidence as a parent.
Explore more Autism Parenting Simplified blog articles for practical, evidence-based strategies you can use at home, subscribe to our YouTube channel for step-by-step demonstrations, follow us on social media for daily tips and encouragement, and join our email community for actionable resources designed to make autism parenting feel more manageable.
Our mission is simple: help you spend less time feeling overwhelmed and more time feeling equipped with practical strategies that work.
About the Authors
At Autism Parenting Simplified, we’re a mother-daughter team consisting of a Board Certified Behavior Analyst (BCBA) and a Doctorate-Level Special Educator. We combine evidence-based strategies with practical, real-life solutions to help parents feel confident teaching everyday skills.
Because autism parenting shouldn’t feel overwhelming.
We don’t just validate you—we show you exactly what to do next.
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