Offering Choices: One Simple Strategy That Can Reduce Power Struggles
“I don’t want the blue cup!”
“No shoes!”
“I’m NOT brushing my teeth!”
If you’ve ever felt like every request turns into a battle, you’re not alone.
One of the biggest misconceptions parents have is that offering choices means letting your child do whatever they want. In reality, offering choices is one of the simplest—and most effective—ways to increase cooperation while still keeping you in charge.
Over the years, we’ve used this strategy with hundreds of students in classrooms, therapy settings, and at home. Time after time, we’ve seen the same thing happen: when children feel like they have some control, they’re often much more willing to cooperate.
Let’s talk about why this works and exactly how you can start using it today.
Why Choices Work
Think about your own day.
Imagine someone told you:
“Get in the car.”
No explanation.
No options.
Just…do it.
Now imagine they said:
“We’re leaving in five minutes. Would you rather drive or ride with me?”
You’re still getting in the car.
But now you have some control over how it happens.
Children are no different.
Many challenging behaviors happen because children feel like everything is happening to them instead of with them.
Offering choices gives children a sense of control while still allowing you to accomplish the goal.
A Student I’ll Never Forget
I had a student who absolutely hated transitioning to reading groups.
Every single day looked the same.
I’d say,
“Time for reading.”
He’d drop to the floor.
Sometimes he’d cry.
Sometimes he’d refuse to move.
Sometimes he’d pretend he couldn’t hear me at all.
For weeks we thought the problem was reading.
It wasn’t.
The problem was that he had zero control over the transition.
So we changed one sentence.
Instead of saying,
“It’s time for reading.”
I started asking,
“Would you like to bring your blue pencil or your green pencil?”
That’s it.
Nothing about reading changed.
He still had to go.
But now he got to make a choice.
Within days, the transition became dramatically easier.
Did it solve every problem?
No.
But it reduced the struggle enough that we could actually teach.
Step 1: Decide What’s Non-Negotiable
Before offering a choice, ask yourself:
What absolutely has to happen?
Maybe it’s:
- Brushing teeth
- Getting dressed
- Leaving for school
- Cleaning up toys
Those aren’t optional.
The task stays the same.
The choice is how your child completes it.
Step 2: Offer Two Acceptable Choices
The key is making both choices acceptable to you.
Instead of:
“What do you want for breakfast?”
Try:
“Would you like cereal or oatmeal?”
Instead of:
“Time to brush your teeth.”
Try:
“Do you want the dinosaur toothbrush or the blue toothbrush?”
Instead of:
“Get dressed.”
Try:
“Would you like the red shirt or the green shirt?”
Notice something?
Either answer works.
You’re giving your child control without giving up the expectation.
Step 3: Keep the Choices Simple
One mistake we see parents make is offering too many choices.
“Which shirt do you want?
What pants?
Which socks?
Do you want a jacket?
Which shoes?”
That’s overwhelming.
Start with two choices.
Simple.
Clear.
Easy to understand.
Step 4: Follow Through
If your child doesn’t choose, that’s okay.
You can calmly say,
“I’ll choose for you today.”
Then move forward.
The goal isn’t endless negotiating.
It’s giving an opportunity for appropriate decision-making.
What If My Child Says “Neither”?
This happens.
A lot.
Maybe you say,
“Would you like to wear your sneakers or your sandals?”
Your child responds,
“I want to stay barefoot!”
Stay calm.
Repeat the choices.
“Today we’re wearing shoes. Would you like sneakers or sandals?”
You’re acknowledging what they want without changing the expectation.
Visual Choices Make It Even Easier
Many children understand visual information better than spoken language.
Instead of only asking,
“Do you want bubbles or blocks?”
Show pictures.
Point to each one.
Children often make decisions much more quickly when they can actually see their options.
That’s exactly why we created our Autism Visual Supports Bundle and editable visual supports.
Instead of repeating yourself over and over, you simply present two visual options and let your child choose.
It reduces language demands and helps many children communicate more successfully.
Pair Choices with a First/Then Board
Sometimes a choice alone isn’t enough.
That’s when we combine it with one of our favorite strategies:
A First/Then Board.
For example:
FIRST: Put on shoes
THEN: Playground
Now add a choice:
“Do you want your red shoes or your blue shoes?”
You’ve just combined motivation, visual supports, and choice into one simple routine.
If you don’t already have one, our Editable First/Then Board Bundle makes it easy to personalize for your child.
One Small Change Can Make a Big Difference
Offering choices won’t eliminate every meltdown.
It won’t make every transition perfect.
But it does something incredibly important.
It gives your child an appropriate way to have some control.
And when children feel heard, respected, and successful, cooperation often follows.
Sometimes the difference between a power struggle and a smooth transition is as simple as asking,
“Would you like the blue cup…or the green one?”
Ready to Get Started?
Our visual support resources are designed to make strategies like this easy to implement.
Explore our editable toolkits, including:
- Editable Choice Boards
- First/Then Boards
- Daily & Weekly Visual Schedules
- Token Boards & Positive Reinforcement Tools
These print-and-go resources are fully editable in Canva and help you create clear, predictable routines that build independence and reduce frustration—for both you and your child.
Because at Autism Parenting Simplified, we don’t just explain what works—we show you exactly how to use it.
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